This is a picture of me at 3 am just before heading to the hospital for top surgery. I had some pretty intense anxiety the night before, and I barely slept. Once I got to the hospital, though, I kind of calmed down. Even when they were rolling me into the OR, I was just ready. Kind of zoned out, maybe. I'm not sure if maybe I was dissociating, or if I was really just ready and everything felt right.
Even when I woke up from surgery, around 10, I was feeling good. Totally drugged, but no fear or confusion like the last time I had surgery. It was pretty relieving. I know I said some weird stuff, though. I asked for my mom and my friend, who were there with me. And then I asked for my brothers, who were definitely not present. And I talked about my cats A LOT.
I've been fairly spaced out since then, but it's good. I'm blaming it on the healing and not on mental health stuff. We'll see how the next few days go.